Memory
by Orokid
Summary: Alone and confused, Hermione sits alone and ponders about her relationship with Harry. Waaaay better story than summary.


**Orokid: **_Well… I can't say that I started this with an object in mind. Then again, I never do so that's not really all that new, huh? Lol. Anyway, this was because I had actually been trying to formulate what I should write for the next chapter of my Untitled fanfic. While I had many ideas and many more beginnings, I only got to use one, thus leading me to continue off of one that I had left over. In the end, that was how this had gotten into creation- nothing more and nothing less._

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter or the characters mentioned in this artwork of fictional storytelling. This all belongs to JK Rowling, although the idea of it had come out of my head. Still… if she wanted to have it, I would give it to her. Long live Pumpkin Pie!!!_

_((Cough cough)) Anyway… Onward with the story._

**Memory**

She could feel it.

Hermione Granger could just feel that there had been something Harry had left behind in his sad wake, something inside of her that hadn't been a shredded heart or the gentle and loving memories of their short time in one another's arms. No, there was something inside of her that craved, that needed, that cried, and it didn't do anything but scare her witless.

She was pregnant.

For a very long time, she hadn't even moved from the spot she had stood, nor changed the look upon her face. Decades seemed to have passed by her with each second, her eyes focused only upon the little blue plus sign that had appeared on the white strip. This was the first time she had ever wished to have failed a test in her life, and yet her wishes and hopes had gone unanswered. As usual, she had passed with flying colors, expect this time those colors were only two- pink and blue- and they somehow mixed together in the middle- and that was exactly where she found herself.

Bloody Hell, she was pregnant.

Slowly, she exited the wash room, her chocolate eyes wide with shock and horror, and she sat herself down gently on what had been a comfy retreat after mourning so long for the loss of the young man she would only continue to weep for in her sleep. The mattress creaked beneath her weight, her orbs looking down to the floor through her hands, trying hard to think about how she would tell her parents, let alone her closest friends, the Weasleys. She could only imagine what they would de once the new came out, and most of it looked somewhat… okay. Not entirely pleasing, mind you, but just… okay. Molly would jump for joy at the prospect, of course, but only because she- like her beloved- had become an honorary Weasley child.

Her mind zoomed straight back to him, to…

_Harry…_

She needed him so much this time, and she doubted that she had ever needed the emerald eyed man as much as she did right then. Slowly, her hand sneaked onto her currently flat stomach, unable but to think about all they had fought for, all that they had promised the future, everything that the two of them had talked about in the midnight hours while everyone slept due to exhaustion. He had left a mark within her, much larger than she had suspected he would've. This no longer was just a hole in her heart and soul, no longer a tear that she would forever be crying. No, it was something more than that.

Inside her body, inside her very own womb, was the child that had been conceived during their secret joining. Hermione was to be the mother of the only living survivor of his line, of his family- well, the ones he actually liked- and a smile just couldn't help but climb onto her face. It was small, but the thought of bearing her lover's child seemed only to excite her now, when it had only struck fear into her heart and mind moments before.

The bushy haired young woman reached over to her bedside table, smiling a little broader as she watched the people inside the frame laugh, love without a care about either Voldemort, the threat that meant either destruction or salvation for the wizarding world, let alone anything else that just might separate the two lovebirds longer than they deemed necessary. It had been them, she and her secret lover, standing in the glow of the sun, Harry twirling her around as if she had been that little first year girl with only the brains and will to succeed in a place that was foreign to her. She had been laughing so hard back then, unable to stay serious when the man she'd die for was laughing as well. Hermione couldn't hear their laughter from the photograph that was in her grasp, but rather she heard them within herself, the memory too young or too stubborn to just die like the rest of her had for that time after his death.

_The two of them were laughing, Harry holding her bridal style in his arms, moving in circles, while she had her arms wrapped around his neck, holding on for dear life. It was a perfect moment, considering how the Dark lord was hanging over their heads, probably just around the corner, ready to cast Unforgivable Curses upon the happy couple. Still, though, they had this time to themselves, and both of the secret lovers were more than happy for it._

"_Put me down!" the chocolate eyed young woman in his arms shouted, laughing the whole while, most likely making him even less concerned about how she wanted her feet to touch the ground. Then again…_

_Truthfully, she liked how it felt being held in his arms like that, so she really didn't care much at all if she touched the ground ever again. She felt right each and every time his arms were around her body, when he carried her… Each time they were so close that it almost hurt to be apart like they had to be at times. All she knew was that she was meant to be held by this man and him only, and she was definitely alright with that fact._

"_Harry!" He was stumbling, probably dizzy by that time from the hundreds upon thousands (or so it felt like) he had made, and Hermione just couldn't help but worry for him. He was still smiling, still laughing, and she could only laugh even harder at the very sight of his goofy features._

_It was then that he finally fell backwards, never once letting go of the bushy haired woman that he had been twisting all about. She had ended up on top of him when he had gone to the ground, both of them still heartily laughing about what had just occurred. Carefully, she moved herself off from on top of the emerald eyed young man, laying her head down upon his shoulders as one hand fell to rest upon his stomach. Right there where she was, she had found her most comfortable space, and she hoped that there wouldn't ever be anyone to interrupt them._

"_I love you", he whispered softly, the words a secret between only them by now, and she could feel how his hand behind her had begun to pet her hair absentmindedly. She felt him turn his head, pecking the very top of he's softly, keeping her held fast between his strong arms._

_In return to his soft words, she had turned her lips to his and kissed him sweetly, knowing that she was probably putting their secret relationship at risk by such a simple movement. Still, her heart refused to just let another perfect moment go, to push away her desires one by one, just because she feared what might happen to him. It would feel, to her, like a wasted effort to be someone's everything- and, to her, he already was._

_She understood that if anyone found out, then it would be likely that the information would get back to their common enemy, and then that evil man would use her beloved's emotions against him. That was the last thing that she wanted to ever happen, but…_

_For once, she wanted to runaway with him, to run away from all the troubles that surrounded them and their future. It would solve all their problems, in some aspects- he wouldn't have to fight, he wouldn't have to die, and he wouldn't have to be known as the Man-Who-Could or whatever other title they might give him. He wouldn't have to suffer, and she wouldn't have to worry that every breath he would take might be his last before the evil powers that surround them so often would attack._

_But as much fun as that might be… she had to think the situation thoroughly before anything could occur, and she knew what would happen if she thought at all about the things that were to happen- it would be just like the last time she had taken to such thoughts. They would be back at the beginning again, and both he and she would still be in as much danger as they usually were._

_Sometimes, she felt as though she wished she had no brain to think with- at least then she and he would be blissfully happy without the worries of the wizarding world upon them._

"_I love you too", she finally whispered back to him, gazing up into those emerald pools she couldn't help but drown in each and every time she found herself face to face to them. He smiled at her reply, thankful that she had spoken after all those things that he could read through those eyes of hers. Her hand gripped against his shirt, the fabric between her fingers as she pulled him against her body, and she only smiled tearfully (although she would be the last to admit that her former thoughts had been hurtful enough to cause her tears) as she felt his arms wrap around her. "Please… don't leave me, Harry."_

_He didn't reply- he never tried to whenever she said something as selfish as that- and she understood his reasons why. He could always say that he would try his best, but that wouldn't ever be enough for her. She would want to know that he would be in her life forever more and not for just this exact moment, would need to know that he would be there until the sands of time would run out on her. She would need him too much to accept his sad smile and a lie that he couldn't possibly keep. That was all there was to it._

_But still, she wished that he would- for once- tell her that he would return to her, that he wouldn't die in the war that was coming so swiftly. For once, she wanted him to promise that he was going to come home and be the man that she loved, so she could show him off finally after they had done their hardest to hide their love from both friends and family. She wanted to hold his hand, to kiss his lips, to go to bed with him without thinking that they would be caught and that their secret would be lost to the world. She wanted the day where they could be a normal couple, not the sort they were now, and she wanted it so bad that it hurt._

"_Hermione, you… you know that we don't talk about this much but…" She looked up to him, seeing how his face had turned a light shade of rose, and she only could smile as he refused to meet her eyes. He was just too adorable when he was like this, doing his best to change the subject so that she wouldn't have to cry any longer. "If we were to…" His rosy face seemed to brighten with embarrassment, and the young woman he was with only snuggled her form in closer to him, a small laugh upon her lips as he tried his best to get his words out. He gave a cough, trying to pretend that the reason he couldn't speak was because he had something in his throat. "If you and I were to… possibly have a child…"_

_Hermione's eyes widened as he spoke about such a thing, considering the fact that he rarely ever spoke about living past the war. Having a child? That was definitely an item that the Boy-Who-Lived had avoided due to his idea that he wasn't going to live past the war era. Had she made enough progress in her continuous tries to make him believe her whenever she said that he would live, that they would be together (while she herself pondered that same thing)? She didn't know, but her heart pounded within her chest as she awaited his next words._

_After a while, when his embarrassment had caused his mouth to close for a moment longer than she could bare, she prompted him. "If we were to have a child…"_

_He looked at her, a little nervous about the subject in whole, and the fact that she had pushed him onward only seemed to worry him more. How could it not? It was almost as if she knew what he was thinking with a single glance, and yet she wanted him to embarrass himself by answering a prompt he himself had begun. Oh, how he hated himself right then… "If… If we were to have a child, what would you want to name it? Boy or girl?"_

_She looked at him with shock, not sure how to answer his question when it was something that surprised her more than it would most other things he asked. She was used to his quidditch plays questions- "What would happen if I made a loop while a bludger is being hit my way? What should I do if the snitch gets just out of my reach and I'm standing on my broom?"- and she was usually more prepared for __**them**__ rather than __**this**_

_Still, her heart couldn't stop beating as she thought about how he was actually the one to ask this. No longer was he just promising her that he would get out of the war safe enough, he was (in some way) telling her that he wanted to be with her enough to have children with her. It made her feel happy, excited that he was offering such valued information of his heart, and she was glad to be the one who made him feel in such a way._

_Carefully, she thought of her answer, leaning into his form all the more so not to worry him. If she tensed more than she had (which had only been minimal) or moved in any sort of way, he would get spooked and tell her to forget all about what she had heard. She didn't want to forget, nor did she want to move on from the subject, so she held fast to her movements. "Well… for a boy… I think I would prefer a name like Alexander", she answered slowly, her voice muffled slightly by his shirt. "Or…" She blushed as she thought the name, unsure if it would be right to say it when it was his opinion as well._

_She turned to him, her face red with love and embarrassment. "What about you? Don't you have any ideas?" In truth, she didn't want to answer for the female name. If she had, she might let him see how much she adored him. "It would be your child as well, wouldn't it?"_

_He nodded, his face growing ever redder as the conversation went on, his eyes holding a distant look. In a moment, the girl whom had been lying on him seemed to start giggling like she never had before, and he blushed even more. He knew as much as she did what he was thinking in that mind of his, and it wasn't as pure as one might think of the hero-to-be. In fact, as soon as the giggling had begun it had stopped, and her face seemed to have gotten quite ripe as well._

"_I…" he started, clearing his throat with a hint of trouble._

_He was attempting to get their minds off from the subject that their minds had gone to, despite the fact that they had already gone and done most of what they thought of. It didn't matter to that effect, but it did to them- their relationship was precious, and the last thing they needed to do was ruin it with lewd thoughts. Besides, it was only when they were in private that they would give way to them…_

"_I would… I like the name Lily, or Lillian for a girl", he confessed, and with that small phrase his face seemed to lighten in its tomato color. "And… I suppose I like Sirius, after my godfather, or…" He seemed to be thinking hard about something more and she had merely gazed up at him to see that his features had contorted enough to show that his thoughts seemed to be working his brain hard. She rarely ever saw his face like that unless he was playing his favorite games, like chess or quidditch, and his euphoria was something that only made her smile. "I don't know… Alexander sounds great to me."_

_She sighed. He was hiding the name he wanted, hiding what he thought would be right for the one that could be born from his blood. Still, there was nothing that she could do to change his mind, and (as much as it pained her) she knew that she had no way to pry into his mind. Besides, it wasn't as if she could use that sort of wizardry anyway- at least, not yet._

_Biting her tongue, she only leaned in to him, thankful that he had shared that much with her. At least they were going somewhere with it, right?_

_Placing her head back onto his chest, she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply his scent so that it would be forever imprinted in his mind. Slowly, the words seemed to seep out as she slowly made her way into her dreams. "I think…" She yawned, wrapping her arms tighter around his waist so that she was as close to him as friends were allowed to be in this sort of place. Besides, if someone found them, she could always lie and say that she had only done such a thing while dreaming instead of awake. People had seen her do so many times in the years past and believed that she always tried to hold on to something while she slept. Little did they know, she had always, ever since their first year, been reaching out to Harry. "I think James would be a good name too."_

_Although he wanted to be surprised when she had said it, he really wasn't really much at all. She knew him through and through, knew his thoughts even before he thought them, and she would of course know just what name he had been hiding from her. It had been embarrassing to him to only name out family names, and he thought it would be too cynical to ask to name their children after his dead family. Besides, weren't her parents also victims of the war? Wouldn't she want to name them after her mum and dad as well? He didn't know or remember whether he had been told if they had been placed in protective custody or not, but he did remember that Hermione insistently worried about them._

_As much as he felt dejected by these thoughts, he only smiled, reaching his hand out to softly pet her bushy cinnamon hair. "Yeah. Me too." And thus, the young woman fell into her dream land, holding on to the one whom she would forever love, dreaming of the children they may or may not have._

With those dreams back then, she had been bestowed happiness, unknowing of the hardships that would come after the final battle had gone. _**'How were things so different now from back then?'**_ she questioned herself silently in her bedroom, her hand pressed firmly (although not too much so) against her abdomen. It was true that Harry had gone from her life permanently, no matter how much she wanted to wish it wasn't so, but…

She couldn't think of that now. Right now, she had to think about what she would say to those whom she loved the most, to those who still lived through the war. Her mother, her father, her surrogate parents the Weasley's… What could she tell them to convince them that this child within her was to be the only thing to keep her sane from now until the rest of her life? She didn't know, but she yearned for them to understand how she felt about her baby, her little…

She laughed to herself softly as she thought to herself what the names of the soul within her should be. A boy? Of course, that name seemed to have been picked out by itself without even much help from her. While she wished to name him or her after Harry himself, she knew that it would be cynical, much like he assumed asking for their child to be named after his parents (as she figured from some of the things he had said after that day), she knew that she should do as her heart wished her to, like he had always told her to after that fateful day when they had shared their first kiss.

'_Do what you want to do- never hold back if you think someone else will be hurt.' _His smile remained within her memory, no matter how much she might wish to forget it or keep it within her heart for the rest of her life without having to share it with the world. As the memory continued on, she thought about how he had placed a hand behind his head before laughing at himself, continuing with, _'Well, that's what I would say if I followed it myself.'_ With that, she had done something she had thought would ruin their relationship forever- she took the first step and pressed her lips gently to his until he responded back, and that movement alone had caused her such happiness that it hadn't left her since.

But now, while she was alone and silent, being the only one to know of her current predicament… Hermione Granger smiled to herself, rubbing her child infested stomach. "So… how about Alexander James, huh?"

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**Orokid:**_ Please read and review this. I'm really interested what people think about my stories and I would greatly appreciate it if I got some feedback. Please allow me that much of a gift before I move to Florida. Please?? ((Sad puppy eyes)) Pwease??_


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